Instead Of: "Have you tried...?"
Say: "Let me know if you want me to attend any appointments with you."
Especially if your friend is choosing to undergo fertility treatment or IVF, they likely know all of their options. Unless you happen to be a fertility specialist, it is not your place to offer suggestions or alternative remedies. Rather, offer to accompany your friend when they go to talk to their specialist and help them sift through the options after the appointment.
Instead Of: "Everything happens for a reason."
Say: "I care about you and am here whenever you need to talk."
Suggesting that a higher power is causing your friend's infertility is hurtful and delegitimizes an actual medical problem. Your friend needs you to support them and listen when they are upset, so be sure to take on this role.
Instead Of: "Have you thought about just adopting?"
Say: "I support the decisions you are making."
Many people want the experience of carrying a child, so your friend might not consider adoption as an option. Even if the IVF process is difficult for your friend, be sure to stay supportive. Your friend and their partner will decide when adoption might be a better road to parenthood. Until then, stand beside them during all of their decisions.
Instead Of: "Is it your fault or your partner's fault?"
Say: "Let me know what I can do to help you two through this."
Your friend may not be willing to talk about who in their partnership is experiencing the infertility. Avoid this question altogether and offer your full support instead. Your friend's partner may also be looking for a confidant during this difficult process, so consider reaching out to them as well.
Infertility is a complicated issue with a multitude of solutions. About 44% of women who live with infertility seek medical assistance and about 65% give birth. No matter where your friend falls on the spectrum of infertility experiences, be sure to be as supportive as possible as they cope emotionally and take advantage of fertility clinics.